less gifts, more love

Our Christmas present list used to be very long and I used to start Christmas shopping around October/November to enjoy December more. That is one solution to the Christmas gift quandary and the December stress spike. "My life is a rat race, haven't even started Christmas shopping. Only have teachers' gifts done. Gotta get going. Feeling pressure!!!!!!" a friend recently posted. All that pressure, all those obligations we feel piled on top of us take away from the sparkly twinkly holiday spirit we all remember from childhood and want back so much.

it's all in the presentation

We have pared our Christmas gift giving down drastically, not because we don't love our family members any less, but because I love myself more, and it makes me less hassled in December. I remember how hard it used to be to find meaningful presents for my father-in-law, or my own grandparents. And even my dad had enough socks and books and sweaters and did not need another scarf for Christmas.

My husband and I have agreed with both our families that we adults don't need more stuff and to limit Christmas gift giving to each other and the closest children in the family. I send flowers to my parents and pictures of the family, but no more presents bought hastily under stress and duress. Time together or a telephone call is more important.

homemade mustard

An idea I love for simple gifts is homemade foods, cookies, pickles, mustards, jams. If you are someone who makes these throughout the year simply plan ahead, make a little more and put your goodies into pretty jars and containers. All done.

I do as much of the gift shopping for the children as I can locally (love all the little craft stores, their presents are unique, local gift certificates are great, too), and teachers get beautifully tinned cookies or chocolates, which I buy way ahead of time when I am out and about anyhow. Et voilà, very little stress, all done with my Christmas shopping as I write this.  And one last thing - the presentation is at least as important as the present (meaning, you can dress up a humble gift and make it that much more special - more on that in a previous post).

pie night

Family traditions are wonderful. They have so much meaning because they are particular to each family and therefore unique. You can even create your own, modify the ones from your family, or simply keep the ones you like and pass them down to your children.  Holiday traditions also ground you in your cultural heritage. And what's best about beloved family traditions is that you can look forward to them each year because they will keep coming back again and again. There is comfort in knowing that and traditions give you a sense of belonging, something that is even more important for children than for adults. My husband's family used to do Pie Night on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. All the pies for Thanksgiving dinner for 35 or so people would be made that night. Crazy! It was my husband's dad who was in charge. Pie night was his thing. It was a beloved family tradition for many many years, especially the children loved it of course. So many pies would be made that people could take leftovers home.

We have been trying to keep Pie Night, but seem to have to modify it each year to accommodate busy work schedules. This year we are having three Pie Nights. It is important for us that everything gets made from scratch, and since the crusts are all different there is no way to shorten the process assembly line style - hence three nights.  Last night, on Pie Night #1, we made cranberry tartes. Tonight, on Pie Night #2, we will make maple syrup pie and pumpkin pie with hazelnuts, and tomorrow,on Pie Night #3, we will make apple galettes.

What Thanksgiving traditions do you cherish?

it doesn't get better than that

The looming holiday season fills many of us with stress and dread and a sense of obligation, especially if we are the one hosting. My mother-in-law used to have between 35 and 45 people for a sit-down Thanksgiving dinner every year. The preparations for hosting so many people are daunting for sure, and sometimes she would say "never again" the night before Thanksgiving.   We, of course, oblivious at the time of the long-term planning that goes into such an event, always looked forward to those big gatherings. It's nice to dress up, it's nice to see Aunt Jeanne and Uncle Charles again, it's neat to see how much the kids have grown, it's fun to taste all those traditional family recipes again.  It's also just simply wonderful to belong to this big crowd of family and friends. And the ritual of celebrating an annual holiday again and again grounds us in the seasons and in the circularity of natural cycles. I find it truly comforting. Relationships - being with others, sharing a meal, having good conversations - are one of the greatest mood enhancers. A strong network of friends, a good support structure, doing things in community or with friends all do more for your health than doctor's visits and pills. We thrive on relationships, on acceptance, on community, on activities with others.  We love to be cared for, we love to belong.

Of course we need to take turns playing both roles - host and invitee, otherwise it's no fun for everyone else. But as long as it all balances out in the end I take the work of being on the giving end in stride. After all - if I don't give I won't receive. Besides, I actually love having people over, making them feel cared for, choreographing an evening of togetherness to create an environment of mutual enjoyment. It's quite exhilarating to create the backdrop for so much pleasure.   Life doesn't get better than that!

to do or not to do

             Oftentimes I feel guilty when I am not doing something.   Our culture makes us believe that we have to be "productive," productive in the economic sense.   But this morning I caught myself just staring out of the window into the first snow of the season and admiring the landscape, and admiring the beauty, and .....just being, being content and in awe and enjoying myself without doing anything. Doing something with intent is fine, but doing something because we believe we should be busy all the time for the sake of being busy, not so much. A common dialogue when running into someone we know goes something like this: A: "How's it going? What have you been up to?" B: "Oh, I've been busy." Being busy has become a virtue, and when you are not busy you are lazy - and who wants to be called lazy?

If it weren't for that relentless cultural and economic nudge I would spend my days reading and sipping tea and seeing friends, and eating of course. That's a whole lot of being and not so much doing. Going deep, going within, being still, taking a moment to not do is very settling, it's grounding.

let go of the breaks

We cling to predictability, try to find safety in laws and ordinances (there are more of them every day; what a morass to navigate and enforce), and more warning labels come out all the time. From notifications about how to wear your bike helmet safely, to signs meant to prevent young children from ingesting small toy parts, from signs to keep us from jumping into a 3' deep pool, to labeling on your nutfree cereal that it was processed in a facility that does process tree nuts, to shots that are supposed to safeguard us from everything and anything (and there are more of those all the time as well), and insurance for everything including life (although that one can't give you your life back if you lose it), we have become a society obsessed with safety.

Most of us want to be in total control of our life, prevent it from bringing us unpredictable situations, rolling along nicely and rather boringly (and then people go on these crazy adventure vacations where they can live a bit of that letting go in a somewhat controlled environment and under supervision; so ironic).

They say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." It is only natural that we wouldn't willingly and knowingly subject ourselves to some of the harder lessons we may have learned, although in hindsight these may turn out to have been valuable, character building, or, as my husband says, "built hair on our chest."

On the flipside this cautiousness and timidity prevents us from living life to the fullest and may keep some beautiful opportunities at bay the universe may otherwise send our way in its infinite wisdom. There are many situations where I couldn't have planned things better than the universe did for me.   Our move this past summer ended up happening almost simultaneously with the closing on our old house. Yet, we put the house on the market back in the fall of last year for fear of not finding a buyer in time. If we really had sold the house any earlier either we or the buyer would have been in trouble.

I often now put out to the universe a wish for the most benevolent outcome of a particular situation. And then I watch and see what happens and let things unfold. Trust yourself, trust the universe, try sending out this "most benevolent thing," but refrain from putting the breaks on life too much. You might just miss out on some beautiful moments and some great opportunities.

on balancing

"If you don't take care of life it becomes messy," my yoga teacher said this morning. Health is an ongoing and continuous balancing act which requires that we keep checking in with ourselves.   Health is not "just there," it's something that needs to be worked at. And health consists both of mental and physical aspects. So, not only do we have to eat healthy foods, get enough sleep and some exercise here and there. We also need to dust off the cobwebs in our mind on a regular basis. For that we need time to check in with ourselves.

Whether that means meditating, journaling, simply being aware of what goes on "up there" or in your body, doing yoga or any other practice that rebalances and refocuses you, doesn't matter much. It just matters whether you do it or not. Otherwise it's easy for things to get out of kilter, and that's when we can get sick, either physically or mentally.

Take a look at your life and scan it for such balancing activities. It is good to spend time alone with yourself. Such a grounding and alone practice could also be writing a poem, doing calligraphy or ikebana (the Japanese art of flower arranging), gardening, or going for a massage. The possibilities are endless as long we do such activities in a mindful way that focuses inwards.   If you don't already have such an activity in your life consider making time for one, or two, or three.

there is no perfect place on earth

After having lived in many different places my father came to the conclusion that there is no perfect place on earth, but that you can create that perfect place in and out of yourself, or something to that effect.

I, too, have lived in many countries and agree with my dad. I love France, I grew up there, the food is great, the culture is great, the country's geography and history are great. Yet, it's a very bureaucratic and stifling country to do business in, and many young entrepreneurs have left for England or the US, the better to unfold their creative potential. I love this country, its fabulous natural sights, the ease of doing business, the diversity that comes with being a cultural melting pot, and New York City is, despite its ugliness (Paris is a lot more beautiful, and London and Berlin are a lot greener), one of the most exciting cities in the world. Yet, I find the constant emphasis on productivity and ROI at the expense of at least some quality of life tiring in the long run, and let's not even get into some of the politics. And so it goes with every place.

All that, however, is no reason to become depressed.   On the contrary, it's a lesson. There is no perfection on earth, otherwise it would be heaven (or something like that). But we can create our personal slice of heaven right here. And that comes from our attitude and how we position ourselves. You do that by surrounding yourself with people and things that make it perfect for you, you spend time in places that resonate with you, and you do things that fulfill you.   Forget about criticizing your neighbor for this, your job for that, and your country for yet another things. Contentment comes from within.

break/brake for lunch

I realize that many of my posts are about slowing down and being more mindful. That's because our lives have become so incredibly fast and overscheduled in the name of profitability. So here goes another one. Taking the time to eat slowly, especially at lunch time, and enjoying your meal goes a long way. Not only do you truly taste what you eat, even savor it, it also helps to keep your weight in check and aids the digestion, and then some. How so?

When you wolf down food quickly to get it over with and get on with the next task the brain doesn't have time to keep up with what's going on in the stomach, there is a communication delay. It actually takes the stomach about ten minutes to communicate to the brain that it has had enough to eat. Eating slowly permits mind and body (or mind and stomach) to remain in sync; when you eat too fast the stomach (and eyes and taste buds) get ahead of the mind and gobble up more than you need to feel satisfied. Hence, eating too fast can lead to weight gain.  In addition, slowing down and chewing longer not only predigests the food and helps the body to assimilate the nutrients much better, it also aids the digestive process.  And lastly, what about actually enjoying and savoring what you put into your mouth? May as well, since it's more pleasurable.

Slowing down for lunch during a hectic day - I know, "sometimes it's just not practical," you'll say - helps to refocus your attention from the scatteredness of multi-tasking back to one specific thing.  It powers you down, gives you time to realign with yourself, and regroup for a more productive afternoon.

a stack of magazines

Ron Lieber recently wrote about enjoying such simple pleasures as going to the library and losing yourself in a stack of magazines. I mostly read non-fiction, whether newspaper, non-fiction or creative non-fiction books about my favorite subjects, although I'll read a rare novel here and there (the DaVinci Code is on my list). Total unwinding for me is sitting down in a quiet room with a stack of magazines and endless time with no scheduled events on the horizon, and perhaps a cup of tea or a glass of wine. Every few months, and before we go on vacation, I go to the library to get a big stack of magazines. And then I'll hole up in bed or on the couch and disappear relishing my (somewhat) brainless browsing through pretty pictures and snipets and tidbits of text.

It gives me great visual pleasure to leaf through the aesthetically pleasing Martha Stewart magazines and oohhh and aahh at the beautiful photographs of clever ideas and sumptuous spreads, as unpractical and time consuming as the making of all these beautiful crafts, decors and dishes may in reality be. And reading about people instead of ideas is relaxing to the mind as well.

Entertainment and relaxation don't always have to cost an arm and a leg.  What simple pleasures do you enjoy?

music to my ears

Sounds, just like comforting smells, say of freshly baked apple pie for example, can trigger and evoke memories.   It's as if the sound lodged itself in our cells and replayed certain memories, emotions, or situations from the past that get triggered on command. That way we come to associate a particular sound or piece of music with a particular memory, pleasant or not. The neighbors across from our new house have a rooster that crows on occasion.   I love that sound. The rooster's crowing evokes for me the European countryside together with peacefulness and that dreamy quality of a summer morning or of a languorous Sunday lunch that comes to an end. When I told our neighbor I loved the sound of her rooster she was so happy, saying apologetically that she had thought it might bother people. Not me.

Church bells also bring back nostalgic European childhood memories for me. Over here we don't hear church bells much, and if we do many are electronic, which removes the charm of the sound. But in Europe church bells still sound regularly on the hour or at least on Sundays, not only in small villages but also in big cities. It is a comforting sound to me.

What sounds trigger pleasant memories for you?