to do or not to do

             Oftentimes I feel guilty when I am not doing something.   Our culture makes us believe that we have to be "productive," productive in the economic sense.   But this morning I caught myself just staring out of the window into the first snow of the season and admiring the landscape, and admiring the beauty, and .....just being, being content and in awe and enjoying myself without doing anything. Doing something with intent is fine, but doing something because we believe we should be busy all the time for the sake of being busy, not so much. A common dialogue when running into someone we know goes something like this: A: "How's it going? What have you been up to?" B: "Oh, I've been busy." Being busy has become a virtue, and when you are not busy you are lazy - and who wants to be called lazy?

If it weren't for that relentless cultural and economic nudge I would spend my days reading and sipping tea and seeing friends, and eating of course. That's a whole lot of being and not so much doing. Going deep, going within, being still, taking a moment to not do is very settling, it's grounding.

"Ebola's mystery...

...one boy dies, another lives." This was a headline in yesterday's NY Times.  But is it Ebola that is mysterious? Is the flu mysterious? Some people get the flu, some don't, and some even die of it. So it goes with all afflictions. Maybe the mystery lies elsewhere, although it is typical of our present culture to see the mystery in Ebola, in the flu, and in any event outside of ourselves.

But every person is unique, everyone comes with a different agenda or predisposition into this life, everyone deals with situations differently, everyone lives in unique and individual surroundings.

We seek predictability from science, we want the same test results validated again and again to "prove" something scientifically. We want to believe that a certain treatment will result in the same repeatable healing mechanism. But it doesn't!   Our immune systems are unique, our mental patterns are personalized, our healing mechanisms are individual and unique.  Instead of trying to shoehorn the effects of treatments into supposedly predictable outcomes, which they don't, how about looking at healing as a personal and individual process that is unique to each one of us?

I believe that the mystery lies in our human nature, not in Ebola.

a better world?

Are you happy with the current state of affairs? If the answer is yes read no further. If the answer is no, please keep reading.

Have you ever pondered how things get to where they're at? Do you believe it's the politicians' fault?  Or the corporations' fault? Or everyone else's?  Maybe you're not sure.

We like to blame because we don't really like to be responsible. It's easy that way. We're off the hook. However, that perpetuates the status quo. Change can only happen if we do something. Remember what JFK said so famously: "My fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."  

If you are tired of your old job you need to do something in order to find a new one. You need to get your resume together, you need to put the word out, you need to research potential companies, and, most importantly, you need to formulate what this new job is supposed to look like. WHAT DO YOU WANT? If you put wishy washy out there, wishy washy will come back.   Imagining what your perfect job looks like in detail, and then focusing on only those companies that are suitable, will get you much better results than simply complaining that you don't like your job.

So it is with the rest of life. You have more power than you think. But you have to do something to effect change. And you have to imagine what exactly you want.

All Saints' Eve

Jack-o-lanterns, costumes, haunted houses, creepy movies, trick-or-treating, scaring the bad spirits away, remembering the dead, honoring the saints, thinking of deceased family members - what a mishmash of Christian, Celtic and pagan traditions on these three days October 31, November 1 and November 2. Remembering the dead, our ancestors, or recently deceased family members (people and animals) is not only an opportunity to honor them and cherish their memory, but also a way to reconnect with the reality of life as a natural element in the larger cycle that inevitably includes death. Because of our current linear way of understanding time (there are other ways to understand time), with a beginning and an end, we see death as final. And that is scary. And the more we ignore and sweep that part of life under the rug the scarier it becomes. Since dying is part of being human, being alive, participating here in this earth experience, we may as well celebrate this aspect.

It may help to remember that all natural processes are circular and cyclical and that death might not be as final as we tend to think in our culture. A tree loses its leaves every fall and is reborn every spring for many many cycles. And even when a tree finally dies it eventually turns to humus, which nourishes and feeds new seeds and tree shoots, and thus the tree reenters the never-ending cycle of life and death anew. We are no different.

Let's celebrate life this week-end, let's celebrate death. It's all part of the same thing. Happy Halloween!

imaginary enemies

"You make enemies, they don't really exist," my wise 13-year old daughter said the other day while we were driving to the library.    Did you nod your head just now, or did you think "huh?" Here's the thing, at least from my perspective. Our beliefs shape our reality, and our reality, at least to a large extent, shapes itself around our beliefs. Suppose you feel really vulnerable and are fearful of someone breaking into your house. If this is a prevailing thought you play over and over in your mind, you may well be setting yourself up to experience just what you fear.

When you understand the world around you as dangerous and adversarial, when you see people as "other" and treat them with mistrust because "well, you never know," when you believe you need to fight a cause or someone, you are making imaginary enemies. That is why some of our ways don't work so well, because we "fight" an illness, we "fight" pests and weeds, we "fight" obesity, we "fight back."

Instead, let's cooperate, let's work together, let's try to understand, let's try to be compassionate - with others, with ourselves, with the environment. If you put out with your thoughts, beliefs and expectations more of what you actually want to experience you will get more of that back.   They had a point in the 60s when they said to make love not war.  Enemies are imaginary because we make them up in our mind.      Also take a look at an earlier related post "love those germs."

let go of the breaks

We cling to predictability, try to find safety in laws and ordinances (there are more of them every day; what a morass to navigate and enforce), and more warning labels come out all the time. From notifications about how to wear your bike helmet safely, to signs meant to prevent young children from ingesting small toy parts, from signs to keep us from jumping into a 3' deep pool, to labeling on your nutfree cereal that it was processed in a facility that does process tree nuts, to shots that are supposed to safeguard us from everything and anything (and there are more of those all the time as well), and insurance for everything including life (although that one can't give you your life back if you lose it), we have become a society obsessed with safety.

Most of us want to be in total control of our life, prevent it from bringing us unpredictable situations, rolling along nicely and rather boringly (and then people go on these crazy adventure vacations where they can live a bit of that letting go in a somewhat controlled environment and under supervision; so ironic).

They say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." It is only natural that we wouldn't willingly and knowingly subject ourselves to some of the harder lessons we may have learned, although in hindsight these may turn out to have been valuable, character building, or, as my husband says, "built hair on our chest."

On the flipside this cautiousness and timidity prevents us from living life to the fullest and may keep some beautiful opportunities at bay the universe may otherwise send our way in its infinite wisdom. There are many situations where I couldn't have planned things better than the universe did for me.   Our move this past summer ended up happening almost simultaneously with the closing on our old house. Yet, we put the house on the market back in the fall of last year for fear of not finding a buyer in time. If we really had sold the house any earlier either we or the buyer would have been in trouble.

I often now put out to the universe a wish for the most benevolent outcome of a particular situation. And then I watch and see what happens and let things unfold. Trust yourself, trust the universe, try sending out this "most benevolent thing," but refrain from putting the breaks on life too much. You might just miss out on some beautiful moments and some great opportunities.

on balancing

"If you don't take care of life it becomes messy," my yoga teacher said this morning. Health is an ongoing and continuous balancing act which requires that we keep checking in with ourselves.   Health is not "just there," it's something that needs to be worked at. And health consists both of mental and physical aspects. So, not only do we have to eat healthy foods, get enough sleep and some exercise here and there. We also need to dust off the cobwebs in our mind on a regular basis. For that we need time to check in with ourselves.

Whether that means meditating, journaling, simply being aware of what goes on "up there" or in your body, doing yoga or any other practice that rebalances and refocuses you, doesn't matter much. It just matters whether you do it or not. Otherwise it's easy for things to get out of kilter, and that's when we can get sick, either physically or mentally.

Take a look at your life and scan it for such balancing activities. It is good to spend time alone with yourself. Such a grounding and alone practice could also be writing a poem, doing calligraphy or ikebana (the Japanese art of flower arranging), gardening, or going for a massage. The possibilities are endless as long we do such activities in a mindful way that focuses inwards.   If you don't already have such an activity in your life consider making time for one, or two, or three.

from me-age to we-age

What an amazing time we live in! Big cultural changes are happening as we speak, although it's sometimes a bit difficult to see them when you're in it. From a greater perspective it's been said that we are entering the Age of Aquarius, that our consciousness is evolving from the me-age to the we-age as we proceed into the new millenium.  And climate change is now forcing the issue and mandating that we unite across the globe to mitigate and address this biggest of current problems.

Culturally, there are already a lot of indications of a shift from the me-age to the we-age, and it's all been jumpstarted by the internet.   While spiritual people have always said that we are not separate, that it just seems that way, the internet now demonstrates directly how connected we all are - and this is nothing woo woo. Think of how the internet has changed our lives in the past two decades. "Knowledge is power," they always say, and that is what the internet has brought us with all this shared information right at our fingertips. It has led to so much more transparency and accountability, which empowers us all. Whether Wikipedia, free music sharing, free movie and e-book sharing (and yes, there are royalty issues involved that go way beyond the scope of this post), free college lectures, free internet help forums on anything and everything, it's all there for the sharing and taking.

On the service side there is the Uber car service and several spin-offs that circumvent the traditional taxi and car service net and lets riders contract directly with car owners for their transportation needs. The lodging site Airbnb circumvents the traditional hotel industry and lets homeowners share their homes for a fee directly with tourists.

Connecting empowers us.

there is no perfect place on earth

After having lived in many different places my father came to the conclusion that there is no perfect place on earth, but that you can create that perfect place in and out of yourself, or something to that effect.

I, too, have lived in many countries and agree with my dad. I love France, I grew up there, the food is great, the culture is great, the country's geography and history are great. Yet, it's a very bureaucratic and stifling country to do business in, and many young entrepreneurs have left for England or the US, the better to unfold their creative potential. I love this country, its fabulous natural sights, the ease of doing business, the diversity that comes with being a cultural melting pot, and New York City is, despite its ugliness (Paris is a lot more beautiful, and London and Berlin are a lot greener), one of the most exciting cities in the world. Yet, I find the constant emphasis on productivity and ROI at the expense of at least some quality of life tiring in the long run, and let's not even get into some of the politics. And so it goes with every place.

All that, however, is no reason to become depressed.   On the contrary, it's a lesson. There is no perfection on earth, otherwise it would be heaven (or something like that). But we can create our personal slice of heaven right here. And that comes from our attitude and how we position ourselves. You do that by surrounding yourself with people and things that make it perfect for you, you spend time in places that resonate with you, and you do things that fulfill you.   Forget about criticizing your neighbor for this, your job for that, and your country for yet another things. Contentment comes from within.

a stack of magazines

Ron Lieber recently wrote about enjoying such simple pleasures as going to the library and losing yourself in a stack of magazines. I mostly read non-fiction, whether newspaper, non-fiction or creative non-fiction books about my favorite subjects, although I'll read a rare novel here and there (the DaVinci Code is on my list). Total unwinding for me is sitting down in a quiet room with a stack of magazines and endless time with no scheduled events on the horizon, and perhaps a cup of tea or a glass of wine. Every few months, and before we go on vacation, I go to the library to get a big stack of magazines. And then I'll hole up in bed or on the couch and disappear relishing my (somewhat) brainless browsing through pretty pictures and snipets and tidbits of text.

It gives me great visual pleasure to leaf through the aesthetically pleasing Martha Stewart magazines and oohhh and aahh at the beautiful photographs of clever ideas and sumptuous spreads, as unpractical and time consuming as the making of all these beautiful crafts, decors and dishes may in reality be. And reading about people instead of ideas is relaxing to the mind as well.

Entertainment and relaxation don't always have to cost an arm and a leg.  What simple pleasures do you enjoy?