giving within your means

When I was (really) little my dad took me to a store just before Christmas and we bought a thimble as a Christmas present from me to my mom. And my mom took me to a store to buy with me a tiny leather coin purse in the shape of a mouse for me to give to my dad for Christmas. It was a lesson on giving within your means that has lasted until today. As a newly married many years later I was quite upset when my husband and I were coerced by his siblings to contribute to a new dishwasher for his mother, which was not within our means at the time and we had to scrape the money together. He comes from a family that believes in the direct relationship between the amount of money spent on a present and how much you love someone. I remember him telling me of selling his skates as a youngster to buy a present for Mother's Day, which still makes me sad.

I believe that it is the thought that counts. We all go through times where we have to watch what we spend. Nevertheless, it feels good to give and we want to express our love and appreciation. As a teenager I always made my own presents, needlework, crocheted items, sewn items. I love receiving homemade food items.   Whether it's a jar of honey from your own hives, homemade bread, sausage, mustard, herb infused oil or vinegar, cookies - I so appreciate such a present. I like crafted items, too - a pillow, napkins, a table runner. When my children were little and went to a small Waldorf kindergarten they made candles with applied wax motifs - beautiful. My 14-year old daughter is learning to sew and has made aprons, pyjama pants, tote bags, and much much more - all terrific low cost gifts with a personal touch. I used to receive coupon booklets from my children, such as for sharpening knives, emptying the dishwasher, or folding the laundry, all tedious jobs to me.  How about coupons for grown-ups for babysitting, cooking a meal, or running errands?

Lastly, the packaging can really make your gift shine and sparkle and makes it special. You can do so much with colorful tissue paper in a few colors, some sparkle, and some pretty fabric ribbon (I stock up whenever it's on sale at a crafts store). I have even wrapped presents in newspaper, which can look really cool, and I always recycle pretty ribbons and gift bags if they are in good condition.

clutter outside - clutter inside?

Clutter and mess, or not?  Clutter and mess promote creativity, they say, while neatness and tidiness are associated with conventionalism.   Yet, according to feng shui principles clutter and mess keep stale and stagnant energy around, whereas uncluttering and tidying up let fresh energy stream in and open up new possibilities.

The basement in our old house was definitely not a creative space any longer. It was stuffed to the ceiling with stuff, so much stuff that we ended up with duplicates and triplicates of tools and stuff because we couldn't find our stuff. We got rid of a lot of stuff when we moved. And as soon as we were in the new house my husband meticulously and methodically organized the carefully selected leftovers  with shelving units and hanging organizers. Now it feels really good to walk into the basement and actually find what you are looking for instead of rummaging around and walking back up in frustration because you couldn't find those pliers or screws you knew you had somewhere.

I always wonder about the connection between clutter in your mind and clutter in your home or office.   Clutter also has to do with a fear of letting go - you never know when you might need that stuff.  And feng shui has a lot to say about clutter and where you have it.  I find cleaning up and uncluttering quite liberating because you can literally see clearly again.

Messiness, while in the act of creating something specific, has definitely its creative purpose. But some organization in your everyday life is not only useful but downright refreshing and even necessary (there - that fresh chi energy).   Can't find that spice you wanted to use in your rub, can't find that black sweater that goes with those green pants, can't find that book you were just talking about with your friend? Time to make room, clear out, unclutter, organize, and get that fresh chi moving. I am convinced it clears your mind, too.

to do or not to do

             Oftentimes I feel guilty when I am not doing something.   Our culture makes us believe that we have to be "productive," productive in the economic sense.   But this morning I caught myself just staring out of the window into the first snow of the season and admiring the landscape, and admiring the beauty, and .....just being, being content and in awe and enjoying myself without doing anything. Doing something with intent is fine, but doing something because we believe we should be busy all the time for the sake of being busy, not so much. A common dialogue when running into someone we know goes something like this: A: "How's it going? What have you been up to?" B: "Oh, I've been busy." Being busy has become a virtue, and when you are not busy you are lazy - and who wants to be called lazy?

If it weren't for that relentless cultural and economic nudge I would spend my days reading and sipping tea and seeing friends, and eating of course. That's a whole lot of being and not so much doing. Going deep, going within, being still, taking a moment to not do is very settling, it's grounding.

"Ebola's mystery...

...one boy dies, another lives." This was a headline in yesterday's NY Times.  But is it Ebola that is mysterious? Is the flu mysterious? Some people get the flu, some don't, and some even die of it. So it goes with all afflictions. Maybe the mystery lies elsewhere, although it is typical of our present culture to see the mystery in Ebola, in the flu, and in any event outside of ourselves.

But every person is unique, everyone comes with a different agenda or predisposition into this life, everyone deals with situations differently, everyone lives in unique and individual surroundings.

We seek predictability from science, we want the same test results validated again and again to "prove" something scientifically. We want to believe that a certain treatment will result in the same repeatable healing mechanism. But it doesn't!   Our immune systems are unique, our mental patterns are personalized, our healing mechanisms are individual and unique.  Instead of trying to shoehorn the effects of treatments into supposedly predictable outcomes, which they don't, how about looking at healing as a personal and individual process that is unique to each one of us?

I believe that the mystery lies in our human nature, not in Ebola.

a better world?

Are you happy with the current state of affairs? If the answer is yes read no further. If the answer is no, please keep reading.

Have you ever pondered how things get to where they're at? Do you believe it's the politicians' fault?  Or the corporations' fault? Or everyone else's?  Maybe you're not sure.

We like to blame because we don't really like to be responsible. It's easy that way. We're off the hook. However, that perpetuates the status quo. Change can only happen if we do something. Remember what JFK said so famously: "My fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."  

If you are tired of your old job you need to do something in order to find a new one. You need to get your resume together, you need to put the word out, you need to research potential companies, and, most importantly, you need to formulate what this new job is supposed to look like. WHAT DO YOU WANT? If you put wishy washy out there, wishy washy will come back.   Imagining what your perfect job looks like in detail, and then focusing on only those companies that are suitable, will get you much better results than simply complaining that you don't like your job.

So it is with the rest of life. You have more power than you think. But you have to do something to effect change. And you have to imagine what exactly you want.

All Saints' Eve

Jack-o-lanterns, costumes, haunted houses, creepy movies, trick-or-treating, scaring the bad spirits away, remembering the dead, honoring the saints, thinking of deceased family members - what a mishmash of Christian, Celtic and pagan traditions on these three days October 31, November 1 and November 2. Remembering the dead, our ancestors, or recently deceased family members (people and animals) is not only an opportunity to honor them and cherish their memory, but also a way to reconnect with the reality of life as a natural element in the larger cycle that inevitably includes death. Because of our current linear way of understanding time (there are other ways to understand time), with a beginning and an end, we see death as final. And that is scary. And the more we ignore and sweep that part of life under the rug the scarier it becomes. Since dying is part of being human, being alive, participating here in this earth experience, we may as well celebrate this aspect.

It may help to remember that all natural processes are circular and cyclical and that death might not be as final as we tend to think in our culture. A tree loses its leaves every fall and is reborn every spring for many many cycles. And even when a tree finally dies it eventually turns to humus, which nourishes and feeds new seeds and tree shoots, and thus the tree reenters the never-ending cycle of life and death anew. We are no different.

Let's celebrate life this week-end, let's celebrate death. It's all part of the same thing. Happy Halloween!

imaginary enemies

"You make enemies, they don't really exist," my wise 13-year old daughter said the other day while we were driving to the library.    Did you nod your head just now, or did you think "huh?" Here's the thing, at least from my perspective. Our beliefs shape our reality, and our reality, at least to a large extent, shapes itself around our beliefs. Suppose you feel really vulnerable and are fearful of someone breaking into your house. If this is a prevailing thought you play over and over in your mind, you may well be setting yourself up to experience just what you fear.

When you understand the world around you as dangerous and adversarial, when you see people as "other" and treat them with mistrust because "well, you never know," when you believe you need to fight a cause or someone, you are making imaginary enemies. That is why some of our ways don't work so well, because we "fight" an illness, we "fight" pests and weeds, we "fight" obesity, we "fight back."

Instead, let's cooperate, let's work together, let's try to understand, let's try to be compassionate - with others, with ourselves, with the environment. If you put out with your thoughts, beliefs and expectations more of what you actually want to experience you will get more of that back.   They had a point in the 60s when they said to make love not war.  Enemies are imaginary because we make them up in our mind.      Also take a look at an earlier related post "love those germs."

let go of the breaks

We cling to predictability, try to find safety in laws and ordinances (there are more of them every day; what a morass to navigate and enforce), and more warning labels come out all the time. From notifications about how to wear your bike helmet safely, to signs meant to prevent young children from ingesting small toy parts, from signs to keep us from jumping into a 3' deep pool, to labeling on your nutfree cereal that it was processed in a facility that does process tree nuts, to shots that are supposed to safeguard us from everything and anything (and there are more of those all the time as well), and insurance for everything including life (although that one can't give you your life back if you lose it), we have become a society obsessed with safety.

Most of us want to be in total control of our life, prevent it from bringing us unpredictable situations, rolling along nicely and rather boringly (and then people go on these crazy adventure vacations where they can live a bit of that letting go in a somewhat controlled environment and under supervision; so ironic).

They say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." It is only natural that we wouldn't willingly and knowingly subject ourselves to some of the harder lessons we may have learned, although in hindsight these may turn out to have been valuable, character building, or, as my husband says, "built hair on our chest."

On the flipside this cautiousness and timidity prevents us from living life to the fullest and may keep some beautiful opportunities at bay the universe may otherwise send our way in its infinite wisdom. There are many situations where I couldn't have planned things better than the universe did for me.   Our move this past summer ended up happening almost simultaneously with the closing on our old house. Yet, we put the house on the market back in the fall of last year for fear of not finding a buyer in time. If we really had sold the house any earlier either we or the buyer would have been in trouble.

I often now put out to the universe a wish for the most benevolent outcome of a particular situation. And then I watch and see what happens and let things unfold. Trust yourself, trust the universe, try sending out this "most benevolent thing," but refrain from putting the breaks on life too much. You might just miss out on some beautiful moments and some great opportunities.

on balancing

"If you don't take care of life it becomes messy," my yoga teacher said this morning. Health is an ongoing and continuous balancing act which requires that we keep checking in with ourselves.   Health is not "just there," it's something that needs to be worked at. And health consists both of mental and physical aspects. So, not only do we have to eat healthy foods, get enough sleep and some exercise here and there. We also need to dust off the cobwebs in our mind on a regular basis. For that we need time to check in with ourselves.

Whether that means meditating, journaling, simply being aware of what goes on "up there" or in your body, doing yoga or any other practice that rebalances and refocuses you, doesn't matter much. It just matters whether you do it or not. Otherwise it's easy for things to get out of kilter, and that's when we can get sick, either physically or mentally.

Take a look at your life and scan it for such balancing activities. It is good to spend time alone with yourself. Such a grounding and alone practice could also be writing a poem, doing calligraphy or ikebana (the Japanese art of flower arranging), gardening, or going for a massage. The possibilities are endless as long we do such activities in a mindful way that focuses inwards.   If you don't already have such an activity in your life consider making time for one, or two, or three.

from me-age to we-age

What an amazing time we live in! Big cultural changes are happening as we speak, although it's sometimes a bit difficult to see them when you're in it. From a greater perspective it's been said that we are entering the Age of Aquarius, that our consciousness is evolving from the me-age to the we-age as we proceed into the new millenium.  And climate change is now forcing the issue and mandating that we unite across the globe to mitigate and address this biggest of current problems.

Culturally, there are already a lot of indications of a shift from the me-age to the we-age, and it's all been jumpstarted by the internet.   While spiritual people have always said that we are not separate, that it just seems that way, the internet now demonstrates directly how connected we all are - and this is nothing woo woo. Think of how the internet has changed our lives in the past two decades. "Knowledge is power," they always say, and that is what the internet has brought us with all this shared information right at our fingertips. It has led to so much more transparency and accountability, which empowers us all. Whether Wikipedia, free music sharing, free movie and e-book sharing (and yes, there are royalty issues involved that go way beyond the scope of this post), free college lectures, free internet help forums on anything and everything, it's all there for the sharing and taking.

On the service side there is the Uber car service and several spin-offs that circumvent the traditional taxi and car service net and lets riders contract directly with car owners for their transportation needs. The lodging site Airbnb circumvents the traditional hotel industry and lets homeowners share their homes for a fee directly with tourists.

Connecting empowers us.