love your stress

Love your stress?? I'm not kidding.  Stanford University health psychologist Kelly McGonigal has put forth a radically different understanding of stress, which could not only save your life but also that of thousands of others.   The broader implications are in sync with what has been called "the biology of belief" (as in Bruce Lipton's namesake book), which says in a nutshell that your beliefs fundamentally shape your body's well- and illbeing. This is radical because it means that if you can change your belief you can heal your ailments (also see an earlier blog post about this). In alternative medicine this is actually not such a new concept. Deepak Chopra and Henry Grayson are just two of a long list of doctors and psychologists who profess just that. But back to stress in particular. In her TEDTalk McGonigal bases her theory on two studies about stress that run counter to what we have been hearing all these years.

The first point is that stress is not what makes you sick, but rather your beliefs that stress is harmful. Instead, she explains, the pounding heart simply prepares you for action, while the faster breathing brings more oxygen to your brain. The study showed that the blood vessels only constricted - and this is the potentially harmful reaction - if the subject believed stress was harmful. When the subjects did not believe that stress was harmful the blood vessels remained relaxed, like in moments of joy! McGonigle is telling us to see our stress response as helpful, not harmful, and knowing that stress is "your body helping you rise to the challenge."

The point from the second study is that stress makes you social because oxytocin, the cuddle and relationship hormone, but also a stress hormone, is released during a stressful situation, nudging you to seek support and surround yourself with caring people. Oxytocin protects your cardiovascular system because it helps to heal the heart cells from any stress damage. "Stress opens the path to the heart!"

Sooooooo: a. your beliefs transform your stress experience and b. relationships create stress resilience.  Wonderful news!

enjoying Gemütlichkeit

Wintertime, when it is dark and damp and cold and windy outside, is the quintessential time of year when Germans yearn for Gemütlichkeit and Danish people for hygge. There is no direct translation for either word, but it means cozy-warm-fuzzy-comforting. The term describes a combination of appearance and ambiance, and is culturally linked to the need for physical and psychological protection from the raw fall and winter weather of those countries.

A room, home or restaurant is gemütlich when it is not too big, warm, the lights are dim (maybe candles are lit), the ceiling is not too high, the colors are in the warm spectrum, the sound level is muted or soft music is playing, maybe a fire is lit in the fireplace, you can sink deeply into the soft furniture, the smell of cookies baking in the oven or a thick winter stew simmering on the stovetop might waft through the air, and you feel safe and coddled and know that everything is all right.

You can feel gemütlich by yourself, with a loved one or with a few close friends, but not in a crowd. It feels gemütlich when you sit in front of your fireplace in the late afternoon or evening in comfortable clothes on a soft couch with a cup of tea and a good book and without a care in the world, moreso if the weather is really miserable outside. You cannot feel gemütlich when the sun shines brightly, when the weather is balmy and the windows are open, when you sit in an upright hard chair, when you wear formal clothes, when the place is expansive with high ceilings, or when you are upset and preoccupied.

Now is the time to be gemütlich, because it's over with the Gemütlichkeit as soon as the weather warms and spring fever hits.

less (household) waste

And now for the last installment on reducing waste. It is better for the environment and our landfills if we keep as much waste out of them as possible.

freecycle

The first tip to reducing household waste is to buy less stuff (especially stuff of the plastic kind), and to buy more carefully. We live a life of luxury and abundance (even if it doesn't always seem that way), are tempted by the many bargains and sales that pressure us into buying, and often make spontaneous purchases that we don't need or even like (hence buyer's remorse). With regard to quality over quantity my dad used to say that he "can't afford to buy cheap." What he meant was that cheap stuff breaks faster and therefore needs to be replaced faster, and so ultimately costs more (and creates more waste).  Better to buy good quality items even if they are more expensive upfront. They will last longer and are a better investment in the long run.

Next tip is to recycle and buy recycled, aka second hand. This also reduces the amount of things that need to be manufactured, and the amount of things going into the waste stream. I buy a lot of clothes at second hand shops (I find more interesting things there, and I do hate mall shopping with a passion), donate unwanted furnishing items to a local shelter coordinator, and unwanted books to my local library. You can also resell your books on cash4books.net, as a friend recently pointed out. There are second hand shops for furniture now, and then there are whole organizations, such as Freecycle.org, that do nothing but help people shuffle their unwanted stuff around. Check it out, they have local chapters everywhere.

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Repair, repair, repair is my mantra. Recently, I had a pair of 20-year-old leather boots repaired that was still in good condition and which I really like. The repair was not inexpensive, but I prevented the boots from filling the landfill some more and I supported my local cobbler. Unfortunately, many appliances and electronics are inexpensive and have what they call "built-in obsolescence," and are often impossible to get repaired. It is frustrating. But I spent a few hundred dollars more on a new washing machine recently, which is supposed to last 15-20 years, instead of another one I was considering with an 8-10 year lifespan.

And lastly, I use www.ourcommonplace.com/yourlocation quite frequently for either donating and selling items, or requesting things I need. A while ago I needed reusable name tag holders for a local non-profit and found them for free from someone who had a box of them stashed away they no longer needed. More recently, we were looking for a ping pong table and I asked the local commonplace forum whether anyone was selling a used ping pong table. Lo and behold, a kind neighbor offered us one for free.

making mayonnaise

Deep living to me also means making more food from scratch instead of buying the store bought version. Leading a busy life (and we all do) often becomes an excuse for reaching for convenience, but some things are just so easy and quick to make that there isn't much of an excuse, and the quality of taste and ingredients is so far superior. Mayonnaise is one of those things that takes only minutes to make - literally! My mayonnaise has exactly four ingredients: one large egg(if your egg is small use a little less oil, otherwise your mayonnaise becomes runny), 300ml oil (olive oil if you like a stronger taste, or grapeseed oil for a more neutral mayonnaise, or a combination), juice of one lemon, and a heaping tablespoon of Dijon mustard, which provides enough salt, so no additional salt needed.  In comparison, Hellman's has nine ingredients and uses soy oil (GMO for sure), vinegar instead of lemon, sugar (sugar in mayonnaise???) and salt, besides preservatives and "natural flavors."

Here is the 5-minute process for a bowl of the yummiest homemade mayonnaise. And if you remember ahead of time, do take the egg and mustard out of the fridge beforehand so all ingredients are at room temperature. Put the (big) egg, the mustard, the lemon juice and about a tablespoon of the oil in a food processor and let run for a minute or so. Next, drip 50ml of the oil really really slowly into the food processor while it is running - my almost-30-year-old Cuisinart has a drip top especially made for making mayonnaise so you can let the machine do the dribbling while you do something else. Finally, add the other 250ml of oil in a thin steady stream to the running machine. Ready! Five minutes tops!

We Europeans like mayonnaise on our French fries (so much better than ketchup, at least that's what we think) and with cold lobster or crab (no drawn butter, please). But it's also delicious on a sandwich with leftover chicken or turkey, or with other cold leftover meat. And one of my secret snack vices, when I need a quick pick-me-up and I do happen to have a bowl of mayonnaise in the fridge, is to take a cracker (or two, or three) or a piece of bread (toasted is better) and dunk it into this onctuous sauce. Soooooo good! Once you make it you'll never go back to store bought.

less (paper) waste

Since we take (too many) trees down to make paper, it makes sense to become more aware of the amount of paper we use and be diligent about it. Let's try to reduce its use, save it, reuse it or at least recycle it. Paper can be recycled multiple times before it becomes unfit for another cycle.

Reading your paper online, your books on an e-device, and sending emails and e-cards (and who writes paper thank-you cards anymore?) helps to reduce the amount of paper that needs to be manufactured. Although tedious, unsubscribing from catalogs you don't want is an important action. I save and reuse paper gift bags if they are in good condition. And in general, I am a dedicated, bordering on obsessive, recycler of all household paper and cardboard, such as cereal and other cardboard packaging, newspapers and magazines, Amazon shipping boxes (if I can't reuse them for sending out something else), envelopes, toilet paper and paper towel rolls (if I find them in the garbage I will take them out).

Since I get me eggs from friends or local farms I always bring the egg cartons back for reuse. Books you no longer want can be donated to your local library, or be given to friends who have not read them.

In my home office I make double-sided copies or print-outs, or print on back pages (the kids generate tons of one-sided school related paper I print on).  I also use shredded paper as packing material instead of the terribly environmentally unfriendly styrofoam peanuts or bubble wrap (I shred everything with a name and address on it, which makes for quite a bit of packing material).

If you do need to buy paper and paper goods, and we can't get around basics such as toilet paper and paper towels, paper napkins for the occasional party, or copy paper, consider buying products made from 100% recycled paper. But even I have my limits - I don't buy tissues made from recycled paper because I find them scratchy.

less (food) waste

We are not always aware of the abundance we live in, and grateful and thankful for it. As a result we create a lot of waste, personally and as a culture. This is the first of several blog posts on becoming more aware of the abundance that surrounds us and at the same time reducing waste in different area of our lives. Why waste reduction? When we respect something, when we are truly appreciative of it, then we handle it with a certain reverence and wouldn't carelessly throw it away. That goes for food as it does for other things in life. Sometimes one of my kids will come home and put their school sandwich back in the fridge. Now what? I have repackaged them the next day but often end up eating them myself so they don't go to waste. When my son was much much younger he threw out a perfectly good (wrapped) sandwich he did not care for. I was so incensed that I made him take it out and eat it - he still talks about it.

With a bit more reverence for all the food we have (just today it struck me at the supermarket how much food we have access to so easily, what abundance!) let's try to reduce food waste, the first of the wastes I will be addressing. One rule is to be a good leftover processor - eat them, freeze them, or cook them up with something new, but don't let them go bad. I save leftover bread pieces in the freezer until I have enough to make a sweet or savory breakfast strata. My mom makes a "tapas" meal every so often with all the little frozen leftover dishes. If you do buy produce in bulk, like I do, process those vegetables you can't eat right away by blanching and freezing them as meal building blocks for later use, or cooking them up in a soup or stew to be frozen. If food does go bad in your fridge reduce how much you buy or space your supermarket trips further apart. And how about going through your fridge once a week and either making a meal from all the leftovers right then or freezing what you can't use immediately?

We have so much, let's be grateful for it.

making magic

Here a thought that was inspired - yet again - from my beautiful yoga teacher who always has so many words of wisdom. She was referring to Corinthian 4:18: "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." She suggested keeping in mind during this Christmas season that it is the unseen, the invisible that makes magic. What is in our hearts makes magic, the love we share is magic, the time we spend with friends and family is magic, the sparkles in the children's eyes when they open their presents is magic, the joy of being part of a greater whole is magic, our family traditions and rituals during this time are magic, our ethnic connections and family ties make magic, the thought behind a truly thoughtful present makes magic, neighborly appreciation makes magic, kindness and compassion make magic............…..

May you experience lots of magic and may you make lots of magic during this holiday season.

more compassion, less hubris

Compassionate communication is about respecting the other person, trying to understand her feelings and motives, and responding with consideration and empathy.

This past week, as SONY's dilemma about the movie The Interview was unfolding I noticed some comments on social media that struck me as particularly one sided. I read things like "the US never backs down" and "if we give in we are compromising our freedom of speech."

There is a fine line between exercising freedom of speech and hurting or disrespecting others. Freedom of speech does not mean brash disregard or lack of respect for someone who thinks differently. After all, how would you feel if someone said to your face "that is some ugly outfit you're wearing?" Would you really think "she is entitled to voice her opinion, I am totally ok with hearing that?" No, you would find it offensive if someone spoke to you like that, and you would probably say so.

Just saying….                                        ...please also revisit an earlier post on compassionate communication.

slow that train down

I used to rush around quite a bit during the pre-Christmas season, trying to accomplish my regular work work load and then fit all the other things in between, before and after - and ended up breathless and with misgivings and guilt about the lack of Christmas spirit - and Christmas cookies. This Christmas season is different. As a matter-of-fact, I put my whole book writing project on hold until after the holidays because - where am I rushing to anyhow?   As Lewis Carroll's Alice said somewhere "the hurrier I go, the behinder I get." I love that quote. When my mind isn't into something and I'd rather do something else, or feel guilty about not doing what I really want to be doing, then I am not doing any one of them justice.

So yesterday I stopped my work work earlier than usual and decided to bake Christmas cookies with my daughter - one of my favorite German Christmas cookie recipes: dark chocolate covered hazelnut shortbread or Haselnußgebäck. Sure, I got less work work done (although even that is relative - measured against what?), but I felt more in tune with the true holiday spirit and myself. When I surface skim and rush and get one more thing done I may indeed cross another thing off that never ending to-do list. But that list is truly endless. More will inevitably be added to it tomorrow and the day after. That's the way it goes. So I had to slow that train down to something like "the more leisurely I go, the deeper I live."

And when I do decide to do work work I light a candle and put on some Christmas carols.  

giving within your means

When I was (really) little my dad took me to a store just before Christmas and we bought a thimble as a Christmas present from me to my mom. And my mom took me to a store to buy with me a tiny leather coin purse in the shape of a mouse for me to give to my dad for Christmas. It was a lesson on giving within your means that has lasted until today. As a newly married many years later I was quite upset when my husband and I were coerced by his siblings to contribute to a new dishwasher for his mother, which was not within our means at the time and we had to scrape the money together. He comes from a family that believes in the direct relationship between the amount of money spent on a present and how much you love someone. I remember him telling me of selling his skates as a youngster to buy a present for Mother's Day, which still makes me sad.

I believe that it is the thought that counts. We all go through times where we have to watch what we spend. Nevertheless, it feels good to give and we want to express our love and appreciation. As a teenager I always made my own presents, needlework, crocheted items, sewn items. I love receiving homemade food items.   Whether it's a jar of honey from your own hives, homemade bread, sausage, mustard, herb infused oil or vinegar, cookies - I so appreciate such a present. I like crafted items, too - a pillow, napkins, a table runner. When my children were little and went to a small Waldorf kindergarten they made candles with applied wax motifs - beautiful. My 14-year old daughter is learning to sew and has made aprons, pyjama pants, tote bags, and much much more - all terrific low cost gifts with a personal touch. I used to receive coupon booklets from my children, such as for sharpening knives, emptying the dishwasher, or folding the laundry, all tedious jobs to me.  How about coupons for grown-ups for babysitting, cooking a meal, or running errands?

Lastly, the packaging can really make your gift shine and sparkle and makes it special. You can do so much with colorful tissue paper in a few colors, some sparkle, and some pretty fabric ribbon (I stock up whenever it's on sale at a crafts store). I have even wrapped presents in newspaper, which can look really cool, and I always recycle pretty ribbons and gift bags if they are in good condition.